I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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