I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
