Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
