I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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