Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
