Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
