i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
