am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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