i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She's the barista slut.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
