We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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