from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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