a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
