He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
