Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
