Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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