Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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