You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
