I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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