Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
