The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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