Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
