my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
