Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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