I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's shark week go big or go home
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
