people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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