So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
