i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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