he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
