At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
