I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
