I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
