hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You are the jesus of drinking
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
