I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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