If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
