We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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