My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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