I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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