shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
