For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
