dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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