Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
