why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
