is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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