I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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