amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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