I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
