Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
