I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
