WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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