and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
