I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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