May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
