I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
