i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
