Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
