how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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