It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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