So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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