cat food counts as protein by the way
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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