I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's blow job season.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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