What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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