PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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