i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
