I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
