So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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