your parents love me but you hate me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
